Not runoff as in “election” but runoff as in “let’s run this MFer off a cliff.”

The Georgia runoff is fast approaching, and it’s not an exaggeration to say the outcome of this election will be every bit as critical as the results of the 2020 presidential race. Why? Because if we want President-Elect Biden to make any headway reversing the demolition of our democracy, such as it is, first we need to oust this Dementor’s nutsack.

If the Grinch had a three-way with Mr. Potter and Gollum that by some parthenogenic mishap managed to produce offspring, it would be Mitch McConnell. Here he is looking vivacious after his regularly scheduled life-sustaining infusion of orphan tears.

Mitch McConnell is noteworthy for being the longest-serving United States senator for Kentucky as well as the longest-serving Senate Republican leader in American history, owing to his enthusiasm for gargling corporate balls and his own stalwart refusal to just fucking die already. In his capacity as Senate Majority Leader, McConnell has devoted six terms to exemplifying my long-held theory that being a humongous, gaping asshole is the single greatest protective factor against mortality. Some of his more memorable claims to infamy include blocking former president Barack Obama’s Supreme Court nominee Merrick Garland, obstructing legislation that would protect American elections from foreign interference, obstructing legislation that doesn’t reflect his own indifference to human suffering, and helping blaze the trail ahead of Citizens United vs. FEC, the ruling that made it possible for unrestricted super PACs to run a train on the 99%. Two months ago, when questioned about his decision to adjourn the Senate instead of passing a coronavirus relief bill, this morally disfigured overripe banana laughed. His estimated net worth is over $34 million dollars—six annual figures of which are subsidized by you, the taxpayer—which means that unless you happen to be one of the lobbyists giving him a financial reacharound, he does not care whether you live or die. He is a pilonidal cyst on the buttocks cleft of humanity and he deserves to be yeeted into space.

The Georgia runoff is a golden opportunity to loosen McConnell’s stranglehold on the Senate. If Jon Ossoff and Rev. Raphael Warnock both win their seats, Senate Democrats and Republicans will be tied 50-50, and any tiebreaking votes will be cast by Vice President-Elect Kamala Harris. This slim majority will determine whether millions of unemployed Americans receive desperately needed pandemic financial relief, or whether 2021 brings an unprecedented eviction crisis and an economic downturn that makes the Great Recession look like Christmas morning. It will determine whether Biden can fill judicial vacancies without months of delay. It will largely determine the extent to which he can deliver on his policy agenda. And with this in mind, Georgia election officials are working to stack the deck in favor of the GOP by culling early voting locations. (If you guessed that this is a maneuver engineered to disenfranchise voters of color, you guessed correctly!)

If you live outside of Georgia, Democratic Volunteer Center has compiled a list of ways to help, including links to organizations that will be phone- and text-banking on behalf of Ossoff and Warnock. Mobilize has a schedule of local and virtual events, so you can knock on doors in Georgia or call de-registered voters from anywhere in the US. If you don’t have the bandwidth to volunteer, you can also donate directly to Fair Fight, the voter advocacy organization formed by Stacey Abrams.

We have a little less than a month, and though we cannot by law give McConnell the sendoff he deserves, by working together we can make it that much harder for him to keep fucking up everyone’s lives.

Let’s go.

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